ON A DIFFICULT DAY AT A CROSSROADS IN NORWICH

What do I want to do?

Where do I want to go?

How do I achieve what I plan to achieve?

What are the most valuable visible, material, tangible or other items I like?

What are the most valuable invisible or intangible values I like?

If I like tangible things, do I want them? Or do I just like to be around them? Or do I wish to possess them and pass them on the next generation?

If I like intangible things ideas, concepts and moral values, how do I identify the ones dearest to me? Do I want to have those intangible values as a part of me, or do I like to see these in others? Do I like them to be a part of me and would I want to see them in others as well?

If I have those intangible values identified, then do I wish to inculcate them in my psyche such that I practice them as well and set an example by practicing them for others to follow?

If I have a good idea of what intangible values and attributes I need in myself, do I get upset if I don’t get them in me, and if I don’t practice them, what happens?

If I have the idea of the good values and virtues, am I pushing them too brutally onto others to practice, or do I just softly keep trying so that others realise these values and their depth and breadth and that they too practice them regularly? What if I see very bleak situations – do I give up fast or do I persevere? Should I keep pushing myself and others, or choose to encourage or punish myself and others?

How do I get the blame in myself and my surroundings such that I feel generally more effective, more in control and generally happier?

If the questions I have raised are very important and meaningful, what next?

I must try to understand the depth and breadth of these questions just to understand the questions themselves. I need time as well as thoughtful activities, a good body, a good mind, a good routine, a good atmosphere, a good inner balance and good company.

Immediately after getting angry with myself and the whole world, I stumbled upon an essay by Schopenhauser that was even more difficult than the above questions, as it challenged some of my standard thinking. To me, it felt abnormal.

I was mostly struck by his extremely pessimistic thinking and attitude, which reflected deeply in his writing and commentary.

I did not like the male chauvinism. After all, I have seen how mothers persevere to bring up their kids and how irresponsible generally men can be.

His philosophy was almost opposite to mine. I must deeply re-visit my own feelings and thoughts to see how I can defend women from such extreme, misogynist and disrespectful treatment. After all, what one’s experiences are cannot be ignored, and one cannot overcome them. It somehow comes in the way and reflects in one’s vocal and written expressions.

My only take from the whole story is that one should keep raising the relevant questions to the point that you can handle it. If the excessive enquiry becomes a source of anger and conflict, stop. Don’t spoil your life, as everything comes from infinity and goes into infinity.