On a difficult day at crossroads in Norwich

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Cross roads horizon representing different choices that are made
Cross roads horizon representing different choices that are made.

ON A DIFFICULT DAY AT A CROSSROADS IN NORWICH

What do I want to do?

Where do I want to go?

How do I achieve what I plan to achieve?

What are the most valuable visible, material, tangible or other items I like?

What are the most valuable invisible or intangible values I like?

If I like tangible things, do I want them? Or do I just like to be around them? Or do I wish to possess them and pass them on the next generation?

If I like intangible things ideas, concepts and moral values, how do I identify the ones dearest to me? Do I want to have those intangible values as a part of me, or do I like to see these in others? Do I like them to be a part of me and would I want to see them in others as well?

If I have those intangible values identified, then do I wish to inculcate them in my psyche such that I practice them as well and set an example by practicing them for others to follow?

If I have a good idea of what intangible values and attributes I need in myself, do I get upset if I don’t get them in me, and if I don’t practice them, what happens?

If I have the idea of the good values and virtues, am I pushing them too brutally onto others to practice, or do I just softly keep trying so that others realise these values and their depth and breadth and that they too practice them regularly? What if I see very bleak situations – do I give up fast or do I persevere? Should I keep pushing myself and others, or choose to encourage or punish myself and others?

How do I get the blame in myself and my surroundings such that I feel generally more effective, more in control and generally happier?

If the questions I have raised are very important and meaningful, what next?

I must try to understand the depth and breadth of these questions just to understand the questions themselves. I need time as well as thoughtful activities, a good body, a good mind, a good routine, a good atmosphere, a good inner balance and good company.

Immediately after getting angry with myself and the whole world, I stumbled upon an essay by Schopenhauser that was even more difficult than the above questions, as it challenged some of my standard thinking. To me, it felt abnormal.

I was mostly struck by his extremely pessimistic thinking and attitude, which reflected deeply in his writing and commentary.

I did not like the male chauvinism. After all, I have seen how mothers persevere to bring up their kids and how irresponsible generally men can be.

His philosophy was almost opposite to mine. I must deeply re-visit my own feelings and thoughts to see how I can defend women from such extreme, misogynist and disrespectful treatment. After all, what one’s experiences are cannot be ignored, and one cannot overcome them. It somehow comes in the way and reflects in one’s vocal and written expressions.

My only take from the whole story is that one should keep raising the relevant questions to the point that you can handle it. If the excessive enquiry becomes a source of anger and conflict, stop. Don’t spoil your life, as everything comes from infinity and goes into infinity.

Peace and tranquility

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peace and tranquility

ON PEACE AND TRANQUILITY

For most of my life I have been searching for ‘peace’. I have tried to find ways to avoid conflicts – in both my personal and professional lives – but I failed, and failed, and failed again.

Then I stumbled upon a book by Will Durant, written in 1926, called The Story of Philosophy.

In this book, I have found some history, some context and some wisdom that helped me understand the circumstances in which human desires for peace, and the reasons why we pursue it, generally land the human race in paths of seeking pleasure, that are usually self-destructive.

The root, according to the recorded history of philosophy, theology and culture, starts from the journey that Alexander the Great undertook from Greece to Asia in his quest for conquering the world and spreading Greek religion, culture and trade into the orient, mostly all countries located in Asia, the Middle East and North Africa.

Funnily, when I tried to find the history of humanity’s pursuit for peace and tranquillity, I landed up mostly in eras which were post-conflict that saw humans trying to make sense of life, even when they were in a state of enslavement, such as when Greek and Roman empires fell and the ways people suffered under the rule of tyrants and cruel armies.

I always found superstitious rituals unnecessary and time wasting. However, after going through what happened when Alexander tried to push Greek thought into Asia, a reverse flood of oriental rituals and cults entered Europe, and some Europeans somehow started to find peace and tranquillity in the oriental practices of religion and ritual.

Quoting some very powerful lines by different thinkers may shed some light on the subject of searching for peace.

As Schopenhauer deemed it useless for the individual will to fight the universal will, so the Stoics argued that philosophical indifference was the only reasonable attitude to a life in which the struggle for existence is unfairly doomed to inevitable defeat. If victory is quite impossible it should be scorned. The secret of peace is not to make an achievement equal to our desires, but to lower our desires to the level of our achievements.

Seneca (65AD) said, “If what you have seems insufficient to you, then though you may possess the world, you will yet be miserable”.

Books after books, in the form of poetry, prose, essays, and theories upon theories lie buried in the shelves of libraries and archives on the subject of searching for peace and tranquillity. I have just realized how foolish it is to waste readers’ time on throwing some light on this over-written, and widely discussed topic, regarding both its visible and invisible aspects.

However, the simple law of attraction confirms that if you desire and pray for well-deserved peace and pleasure, it will come to you. Better choose smartly, otherwise you will land up accumulating debts and physical and habitual abnormalities, instead of peace.

Keep working and praying for them, and someday you will find them touching your soul as occasionally as one feels the whiff of fresh fragranced air that comes from the earth after the rainfall has stopped. One small happiness and moment of peace equals millions of tears shed and pains suffered in this mysterious yet fruitful existence. What an unfair proportion.

By John Kingz

Past, present and future

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FuturePresentPast

PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE

What is the right balance between nurturing past relations and assets vs. focus on present and future-related pursuits?

This question comes to my mind every day.

I move between the present and past extremely frequently and always try to stay loyal to it, while simultaneously doing maximum justice to present responsibilities. But inside myself I harbor a deep guilt which keeps raising its head inside my psychic ocean. It tells me I must care more for my past relations and find out where the old friends and relatives with whom I spent some of the most beautiful parts of life are, and what can I do for them.

There are some characters who have passed away, and I just hold on to the beauty of the time spent with them, as well as the high and lows I enjoyed with them in my soul and spirit .

I feel that keeping a good balance between the past and present is vital for a smooth inner being and a balanced personality.

What do I mean by inner being?

Let me dig a little here. I mean that sometimes I have a multiple persona — whoever John Kingz (JKZ) in the past, is not the same JKZ at present. To me, this logically means that there is more than one being in any individual. However a bridge does exist upon which both past and present JKZ both travel on. What I mean by this refers to the smoothness of the inner being as the strength of the connection between the past and current self. The smoother the bridge, the more coherent and stronger the character of the person.

I will always remember the three lines of my grandfather:

“If wealth is lost, nothing is lost.”

“If health is lost, something is lost.”

“If character is lost, everything is lost.”

When I now link this to the past-and present-self concept, I feel the above three lines mean that the two tangible items (wealth and health) are less significant while the invisible, intangible attribute of character carries far more weight-age. Therefore I feel the link between past and present selves is the strength of character required to have a good balance, where past relations and the character feel the same closeness to the past as to the present and future. Once that is established, the soul, spirit and happiness levels lift inside the present self, which then acquires the right values and leadership traits to not only do justice to the past and present, but also for the uneven and uncertain roads of the future.

Thus, love your past and loved ones from their. Keep the fragrance of friendship alive, no matter how those characters from the past treat you. Sometimes you aren’t treated well, or at least not as well as you expect, but still — persevere on the road of one-way care and one-way love. You will deposit values that you may not even realise, but one day the only saving in your mortal and after-life bank are those gestures of love and care that will stand by you, while everything else — wealth, health, beauty, etc. — will all be consigned to the dustbin of eternity.

What mistakes cost you?

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Today I was pondering the subject of what your mistakes cost you.

 

How do we measure the power of return boomerangs — the mistakes you make that come back to you and often catch you off guard — that you leave in the air, space, time and relationships, un-covered and un-hedged? The question is one of how to minimise the pain and damage your own mistakes, inabilities or weaknesses cost you.

 

As someone with an intense personality, I can only speak of my own experiences, attitudes, actions, reactions, responses and their costs. And how do I feel about the overall effect these have on me as I try to go forward with the drags of my own misdoings?

 

What should I do to reduce the pressure of the drags on me; so that I get the maximum advantage of the time, energy and resources that I spend on trying to actualise my dream of a happy and fulfilled life?

 

I would like to give a short example of a master who would always respond by smiling first — at anyone and everyone — on all good or bad that happened to him. When people used to ask him why he smiled first at everything and everyone, before any other response and regardless of the situation, he said this was the only thing he could offer to the world that he felt amused them. To make them laugh at his funny face, he said, brought meaning to his existence. His name was Socrates.

 

I feel that most of the time we are the source of all bad boomerangs that hit us off guard. If we reflect deeply enough, I believe the biggest issue in this fast-paced world of today is that we are unable to get the time or focus to develop the habit of deep reflection. This leaves us vulnerable to being unable to spot the boomerangs on the radar of our psychic map or that of another’s, leaving us at risk of becoming victims of our own Ill-doings, not understanding who to blame and where to point the finger — in the process, making it second habit to blame everyone else for my plights and losses, other than myself.

 

A short and very Old Persian tale may be appropriate here. One day, a known madman in a Persian locality was holding a famous, rich and wise noble by the neck, shouting “Guys, this man who you think is wise and noble is in reality not so! He is actually stupid. “Otherwise he would not have engaged in the wrong way with a guy like me.”

 

So valid is this logic — on the choice of which to engage with and with whom not to — till today, it is amazing.

 

Coming back to where I left the thought, the question arises: what is the best way to keep a good count of the position and the possible reverse hit losses of our own mistakes? It is not an easy task. The first thing I feel we need to develop is a good conscience, as well as the courage to look squarely at our own doings and openly blame ourselves — if the need arises.

 

The second thing that is vital is the attitude around the subject of how our ego does not, most of the time; let us be open and less guarded and defensive about our mistakes. If we are able to keep these three major psychic mechanisms in balance, we can keep ourselves well-adjusted with most of the things, events and engagements that come in our way through life, with grace and politeness.

 

After all, if we do come into this world, It is someone else’s mistake — generally called love — and once we are here, all mistakes are ours. The mother of all mistakes is the mistake of blaming others for any calamity or loss that comes to us.

 

I am sorry to have written this, as I do not know how many boomerangs I have thrown. I only wish not to get into self-pity when I am calculating the mistakes I do, and their consequences.

 

Good luck to all after making the mistake of reading this. The only take from mistakes is to smile at your own and others’ doings all the time. At the very least, this small, irrelevant note does prove the wisdom of Socrates.

by

John Kingz

 

FEAR OF HURTING OR GETTING HURT

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I wonder how , I, or many other humans, react to situations, that are scary, yet, has the potential to deliver an amazing, experience, if explored a little more. Provided, one has the emotional tenacity to remain in the situation, and not escape, due to the fear of either hurting self, or others. ( Topic of this note)

The threshold, that one must cross, to get beyond ones own fears, and generate the capability and capacity to find out more, as to what the situation has to offer, has always been a catch 22, for me.
My quest is to know, How to develop that habit, which automatically, triggers the response, fight, and stick-in, that situation, do not escape?
I personally, do, believe, that all situations are not, that black or white, that they can be catagorised, as either stay, fight it out or escape and do not even weigh the pros and cons of finding out more.
I will try to do little more justice to this subject that , why humans do have this Fear, in the first place?
In my little experience, this happens due to the conditioning of the Personality, ( the nurture part) over time and circumstances.
The DNA, does carry elements of fear in it from the genetic, carry over, point of view, from one generation to the other. But, I feel that whenever, I come into situations, where a conflict can arise, I escape, from that place or company fast, due to my own past, difficult, parental behaviours.
I, can say that generally, iam a brave and confident person, but, as soon and I have to be assertive, I get a naturally, triggered response, from my sub-conscious, “that please don’t assert, you will create an atmosphere of hostility and peace will be disturbed”.
Due to this Fear, I, tend to loose a lot in life. But, I feel that I can overcome this, acquired, Fear.
This, word that I just used, “acquired fear”, can be explained a little further, and I feel that, when humans, get things in their personalities from the society, they can, rub it out of their Personalities, if they try hard enough. The habits, or natural reactions, that one acquires by DNA are difficult to clean out from ones personality. One has to develop the habit of understanding one self to the point that, as soon as a DNA, triggered situation arises, one covers that by, artificially, deliberately, cultivated, mechanisms, that changes the circumstances to win-win for all. Or ends the situation more hounrably and decently, for all parties involved.
In my case, the dna, inherited Anger is a great issue. Where, I react to different situations in a very aggressive manner. Sometimes, I feel these hard reactions, are the, reverse, natural, reaction to overcome the fear that pounces up, due to my Sensitive nature.
I can describe myself as an over sensitive person. (OSP)..And if an OSP, type person, is exposed to scenarios, that tends to make life difficult, I explode.
There, are people , I know, who are also, OSP type, but instead of exploding, in reaction to such situations, they, just go in a shell and refuse to come out. I don’t know, which type of OSP’s are better, …
I can write a lot on this, but, as my note, is not based on research, I will tend to more Philosophical , about this subject, based on my past experiences.
Please excuse me if I have been too subjective, or repetitive, in this note.
Ideally, I had wanted to find an anecdote to Over Come Reactions, based on” Fear of Hurting or Getting hurt”. But, I guess, I have been unsuccessful…So please forgive me.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

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My 56th Birthday. I am surprised to be still alive and kicking!

I am surprised at how, and why, an ordinary person such as myself has been gifted with such a wonderful set of people, starting with my mother, wife, sons and daughters, uncle, brothers and sisters.

Then there are my respected and revered friends, spread across the globe, who love and care for me unconditionally.

My business partners and colleagues, who so passionately care not only for my business life to be successful, but that my health and well being are also in check, not to be lost in the pursuit of material and financial prosperity. 

I don’t know why, how, when, who or what put all that beauty and love in place for me to savor and enjoy. 

Why then am I so restless and hungry for more?

So vigorous in my search for a higher purpose?

So demanding and conditional — what am I searching for?

The truth is, I don’t know.

What I do know is that I don’t really know what I’m searching for. 

If I can’t answer this, then, by extension, I do not know what end outcome I really desire.

Happiness, peace, money, social status, fame, more high and mighty friends, stronger family unity and harmony, better health…?

If I don’t know the answers to these questions… 

Should I seek out more high and mighty friends? 

Or should I live my life without setting any specific goals, only responding and reacting as well as I can to whatever comes in my daily and weekly life?

I know that I am not prepared well enough, to set high goals or to live my life on a day-to-day basis. 

Then what should I do? The only answers I get from my heart are:

Love back all the good people

Love back all the work that is done, and is to do

Love back all the events that have happened, and will happen 

Love back all the failures and pass on their lessons to others

Love back all the small achievements and keep the fruits well-distributed

Love back all the materials that make life happy and share them fairly

Love back all the places I have gone to, and am yet to see

Love back all the love there is, with full heart and soul

Certainly, I do not want to be a bigger receiver than giver

Maybe this is a very lofty goal for a small being such as myself, but there is no harm trying.

Let me at least forget my little worries, and appreciate the fulfillment of receiving the care and love of giving more than I receive. 

May I open up and fearlessly make the best of my day today.

 

 

Winners & Losers

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Sometimes I think we are all winners, all the time. If we win, we do so by our fortune and effort. All is winning — we just need to understand the meaning in an apparent loss.
Sometimes we lose, sometimes we don’t.
These are two sides of the same coin, which are in reality the same thing.
It really depends on the person, how he or she responds to either of the two scenarios. At the end of day, we have to leave both winnings and losses on the same table, and leave this world empty-handed.
Then, why is there such ado about who, or what, wins? Why do we mourn the losses?
After all, someone’s loss is someone else’s gain. Why can’t we just be happy, for our loss is another’s gain?
Giving thought to this subject raised the following questions:

Why lose sleep if we lose?
Why are we so sad about these losses?
Why are we so happy about winning?
Why must we show off our winnings?
Why must we boast about them?
Why do we always try to one-up on friends, family and competition?

The only answers I get regarding all the above questions lie in more questions:
How we define the race we want to live in?
How do we define the benefits that others and I reap of the winning?

Enlightenment

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For the past two days, I have been brimming with insights, but it has been difficult for me to pen these down. Still, let me try.

I was thinking of the title of the blog that I intend to start soon.

I choose to take an opinion poll at home. When I asked my eight-year-old daughter which of the titles she liked, between The Art of Understanding, Aware Living, Enlightened Existence and Un
folding Existence, she beamed and said “My hamsters will like The Art of Understanding as they seem to be too naughty these days, and have to be kept in separate cages as they do not understand that if they keep on giving birth to six new babies every three months, we will run out of cages and food soon. They will certainly benefit from your Art of Understanding essays.

Then I asked my wife, who liked Unfolding Existence more. I asked her why, and she said “at least your journey towards maturing will start.” I was a little quiet for some time and am still reflecting on her comment. She may be right.

My 12-year-old daughter liked Enlightened Existence and I am curious to find out why. Our 12-year-old son, when given the choice, picked The Art of Understanding. Finally when I asked my partner in writing, my 26-year-old son, he said all four of the mentioned titles, were too scholarly and there should be a title with some humour in it.

So, I suggested a new title: Journey towards Enlightenment for Dummies.

I stopped thinking on the subject further and decided to meditate and reflect.

My personal preference was Journey to Enlightenment but, again, my wife seemed to think that I’m trying to teach others something that I do not practice enough myself.

I really do not know who can guide me. I am at a crossroads. Maybe A dumb man’s Journey to Enlightenment is the best one. At least it does not intimidate, promise nirvana or eureka moments to anyone.

Sometimes I feel animals are much luckier than humans, as they do not judge, classify or feel degraded by any action of peers, humans or nature. They remain in a state of acceptance for the most part. Unless kicked or threatened, of course. Thus a title like Learn Enlightenment from Animals may just be a good choice for enlightening a rat such as myself — forever running in the fast lane.

By John Kingz

Journey Through Self